When it comes to the relationships in your life, I believe the answer to the follow questions should be yes.

• Do they bring out the best of you?
• Do you bring out the best of them?

This is regardless of whether the relationship is with an intimate partner, a friend, a client or your employer.

Mothers Always Know

Last year my daughter Jess split up with her boyfriend of about a year. At the time I said to her,

‘He was a lovely boy, but it was never going to last. He was not for you.’

After a few weeks, she asked me how I knew that. My initial response was,

‘Because Mother’s always know… ALWAYS!!!’

But when she pressed me further, I thought about it and I told her that I didn’t think he brought out the best of her. And I didn’t think she brought out the best in him. She agreed.

Previous Relationships

I can recall some of my previous boyfriends and there were a few that absolutely did not bring out the best in me. I remember one specifically and let’s just call him Andrew the Psycho (because his name was Andrew, and he was a fricking Psycho). It was your classic gaslighting before that term became popular. It lasted way longer than it should have but I wasn’t as wise back then.

Work Relationships

It’s the same with a work situation. If you feel your current employer is not providing you with the opportunities or environment to be the best version of you, then you should address that.

It may just be an honest discussion to raise your concerns, or it may be time to move on and find an employer that does bring out the best version of you.

It could be naive of me to think that I could answer yes to both those questions for every relationship I have. But I am going to make sure that the answer is a resounding yes to the significant relationships I have.

Remember, you are not a tree so move. Unless you are this tree which won this year’s tree of the year competition in New Zealand.

P.S. Did you know that the origin of the term Gaslighting came from the 1938 British thriller play Gas Light? The story is about a husband who manipulates his wife into thinking she is crazy by slyly changing the intensity of the gas lights in their home when she is home alone.